Relationship Myths That We Grew Up Believing

“Love isn’t always perfect. It isn’t a fairytale or a storybook. And it doesn’t always come easy. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on and never letting go.” ~Unknown

But that’s love..when it comes to marriage, it doesn’t always mean that it ensures presence of love. There are marriages with love so strong that nothing can shake or break them. They get through everything in life together. Then there are marriages completely devoid of love or any sense of belonging at all (though I do not understand the purpose of staying in such marriages but people do, out of sheer pressure or other problems they may not be able to explain). Anyway coming back to the myths that we grew up believing. Let’s shed some light onto some of them.

Myth #1: Opposites attract and make for more lasting long-term relationships.

It may be true in some cases but in the world of today, if people don’t share similar interests, they tend to find people who do, giving way to infidelity and self created problems like lying, hiding things, etc.  We’re fascinated by people who are unlike us because they represent parts of ourselves that we’d like to let out and explore. We tell our friends we can’t help who we are attracted to, but often we are attracted to people who are wrong for us.
While it’s true that we can complement each other with some differences—if, for example, one person is more laid back and the other is more Type A—couples who are more similar have longer lasting relationships than those who are complete opposites.
Dating someone similar means we get the support and validation for our core life values. There will be fewer disagreements on the most important issues and opinions that shape our lives.
Core life values may be spiritual, religious, social, family, and health-related. Taking a closer look at what you prioritize in your life and where you invest your time will tell you your values. This also means that having similarities lead to more positive feelings because of the reciprocity rule in relationships: we like others who are like us. It’s exciting to date someone who is the opposite of you at the beginning. But as the relationship progresses two people with different life values will start to separate and head down different paths.

Opposites attract like strong magnets for the short term, but if you’re looking for the long term, it’s similar core life values that will keep you together. Unhappy relationships don’t get you anywhere. Instead of lifting you up, they keep pulling you down till you reach that point where you are buried in the mess you both created.

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Myth #2: Having conflict in a relationship means you’re headed for a breakup.

I formerly believed that fighting meant you’re not compatible with each other and it won’t work out. This was why I thought that love meant never having to fight and I was terrified of conflicts. In relationships people deal with fights by ignoring them, pretending they didn’t happen, and stonewalling, where they just don’t communicate or just walk away, thinking the problem would just disappear and we could return to a normal state of things, as if it never happened. Suppressing your feelings often means experiencing random outbursts of crying because we are so frustrated with pent up emotions inside that we eventually crumble at the slightest stress.

When you are choosing to be with someone in a relationship you are choosing a unique set of problems that cannot be solved. It’s important to learn how to deal with it, because conflicts can bring you both closer afterward.
So having conflicts is actually healthy for a relationship. It shows that you are being honest about issues that are important to you rather than headed for a breakup. It also shows that you care enough to find a solution than to add to the existing pile of mess you both seem to be in. Talk! Always talk! Be willing to listen. Be willing to control your temper. Be willing to show some signs of warmth, being cold would only make things worse. More importantly stop being afraid. Be open towards each other.

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Myth#3: If partners really love each other, they know each other’s needs and feelings. 

It’s a setup to expect your partner to be able to read your mind because when you anticipate that your partner will know your wants, that’s essentially what you’re doing. We develop this expectation as kids but as adults, we’re always responsible for communicating our feelings and needs. And once you’ve communicated your needs and feelings, a better measure of the quality of your relationship is whether your partner actually listens to your words.

Myth#4: Having a child will strengthen your relationship or marriage.

Having children is a decision that both partners need to make together in order to feel strongly about it and be happy. We need to stop telling women to have a child as soon as they can because it’s not necessary that your partner would be thinking the same. Studies have shown that relationship happiness actually decreases with every child. This doesn’t mean that you start loving each other less or that you won’t bond at all over your child but the mounting challenges can complicate relationships. In most cases, Mother’s are so busy taking care of the little ones, eventually not finding time for themselves. Husbands find parenting too stressful, thinking it’s a mother’s job to raise the kid while he is only responsible for the financial aspect of their lives, providing them what they need. This thinking leads to less hestitation when it comes to cheating on their life partners. (Though it may not be the case in every marriage) But it’s about time that we raise our sons and daughters teaching them core values since the beginning so their relationships won’t suffer in future.

Myth#5: Jealousy is a sign of true love and caring.

Though sometimes it takes something like this to wake up your sleeping partner but that’s not always the case. Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship (or the lack thereof), Take the following example: If you have a jealous partner, you might try to show them how much you care so they don’t get jealous. But you soon realize that any amount of caring isn’t a cure for their jealous reactions. Keep in mind while you can be supportive, your partner must work on their insecurity issues on their own. No matter what you do, you can’t make your partner feel more secure or change their self-confidence. Trying to make your partner jealous also can backfire. While men and women are just as likely to experience jealousy, their reactions differ. The big question that you should always ask yourself is that why do you feel the need to make your partner feel jealous.  Think!

Myth#6:  In order for the relationship to be successful, the other partner must change.

Okay now this is something commonly expected (mostly from women). Many times we’re very good at the blame game and not so good at pondering how we can become better partners. Instead, we demand that our partners make such and such changes.

Most of you may not agree with me but why is the woman who leaves her house, her parents, her entire life to begin a new one with you, expected to change in order to fit the mould you have ready for her. Why is she supposed to think, eat, dress, walk, talk, sit, smile, socialize, work the way you want her to. I’m sorry men but this applies to both of you. If you know what your chosen partner is like and you have accepted her the way she/he is then please don’t turn her world upside down to fit yours. By doing so, you are very slowly pulling away pieces of her that made her who she was. If you don’t like her/him then do yourselves a favour and don’t be with each other. Simple!

I do not disagree with the fact that there are times when both parties have to change certain things in order to make their relationship last. That should only happen when it matters to both of you and not just one person. Mutual understanding and trust!

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That’s it for now. These are just some of the myths we grew up believing. If you can think of more, please list them down in the comment box below. You don’t necessarily have to agree with me but if you disagree then let’s discuss your point of view 🙂

Much Love! xx

Resolutions ~ A Positive Way To Embrace The New Year!

We have reached Mid-January, halfway through the first month and we survived 😉
We wanted to post the resolutions sent to us by our wonderful friends and readers before welcoming 2017 but we decided to wait till mid-Jan to see how focused we are and how much of an effort are we making to achieve our goals, be it big or small.

We have spent the last few days of December in retrospection and reevaluating some of our life choices. New Year’s resolutions are the perfect opportunity for all those who have failed to start making the changes that they said they would make next week, next month, or perhaps when winter starts.

Well, now’s your chance to sit down and prepare a list of important lifestyle changes you want to make, since the majority of people fail to stick to their resolution, we think it’s best you print them or write them on a paper and put them up somewhere where you can see them everyday. Believe it or not this actually works quite well.  If you are looking for effective ways of changing your life for the better, then read on and you’ll be sure to find tons of goals to achieve this year.

  • Get in shape: Losing weight is the top resolution for most people, myself included, and combined with “exercise more” and “stay fit and healthy” it is something that we wish to achieve. It’s easy enough to start an exercise and diet program, but the trick is to find a decent one that will give you steady results and will be easy to stick to in the long run.
  • Start eating healthier food, and less food overall: This is usually an extension of the previous resolution. Switching to a healthier diet can be incredibly tricky when we are surrounded by cheap junk food. However, with a good amount of determination and some basic tips you can slowly develop healthier eating habits.
  • Stop procrastinating: The biggest barrier that keeps most people from reaching their goals is the desire to relax and do something fun instead of working hard. Once you get used to procrastinating it’s difficult to snap yourself out of it, so you’ll need to put in a lot of work to change this bad habit.
  • Improve your concentration and mental skills: Try to improve your focus, for some meditation or yoga can do just the trick or you can program your mind into doing so. It’s not easy, but it can be done.
  • Meet new people: Meeting new people can be beneficial to your mental well-being and help your career, so don’t be afraid to get out there and make some friends. Overcome your shyness, get some knowledge, step out, get to know new and interesting people.
  • Become more confident and take some chances: If you are confident other people notice it, and it is much easier to have your opinions heard, ask people out on dates and get ahead at work. A good dose of self-confidence will help you lead a much happier life overall.
  • Earn more money: Even billionaires are always looking for ways to earn more money, and we common folk can definitely use an additional source of income to make life a bit more comfortable. Fortunately there are plenty of options available, like having side jobs, working as a freelancer or using the internet to your advantage.
  • Reduce stress: They say that stress is one of the biggest killers out there, and it can have a very destructive effect on your relationships as well as your health. Look for ways or people to help you manage your stress and don’t ignore it.
  • Learn to be happier with your life: Even those that are in decent shape, make a good living and have stress under control can still be unhappy. It takes time and patience to learn how to find joy in the little things and not to let problems bring you down.
  • Get more quality sleep: With big TV’s, computers, smartphones, tablets and all sorts of gadgets with glowing lights and beeping alerts, it can be hard to get enough sleep at night. You should be gunning for at least 8 hours of sleep a night, and there are simple ways to achieve this number. (We’ll give you tips on this in our next post).
  • Read more: Books are an excellent way to gain a lot of knowledge on a huge variety of topics, and are also a great exercise for your brain.
  • Become tidier: There are a lot of slobs out there who can’t really get their stuff organized, and a cluttered desk or chaotic home will negatively affect your productivity and even your mood, so it helps to clear the clutter, and lead a more organized life.
  • Learn how to dress with style: The way you dress can say a lot about you, and wearing the right clothes can make you seem powerful and confidence, which in turn can help you land a job, get promoted, and catch the eye of a lovely guy or girl. No matter if you’re male or female, know the dress code and live with style.
  • Spend more time with the people that matter: There is just too little time in this life for us to waste it on insincere, toxic people. We should focus on the people who we care about deeply and who care about us, as this is the best way to stay happy.
  • Get out of debt: You can’t really move forward in life if you are weighed down by debt. The road to financial freedom is a rocky one, but it is definitely manageable with a bit of planning and self restraint. Once you have your debt under control, it’s time to start putting some money aside. A rainy day fund and some extra money that can go towards traveling abroad, fixing up the house or buying a new car are a welcome change of pace.
  • Learn to cook: Cooking is one of the essential skill that every man and woman should possess. It allows you to save money, eat the food you love just the way you like it and impress dates with lovely meals shared under candlelight. If a husband and wife both can work, then I’m sure both can cook too. It doesn’t have to be a one man show. Responsibilities can be shared and let’s not forget that cooking is fun!
  • Go see your doctor more often: Staying healthy should be your top priority, but many people seem frighten of doctors and don’t go to the hospital nearly as often as they should, often waiting for their condition to significantly worsen. Regular checkups are a must, no matter how healthy you feel at the moment.
  •  

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    Reinvent yourself: If you don’t feel quite happy no matter what you do, it is perhaps time to make some serious changes in your life. Reinventing yourself can give you a whole new perspective on life and take you in directions you may never have dreamed were possible.

  • Become more romantic: Romance is often the first casualty in longer, more serious relationships, but it doesn’t have to wither away. A few romantic ways here and there can keep the passion going for decades. It will be fun, even if you’re not the romantic type.
  • Become more social: Being a man, or woman, about town has its perks. You get to have fun, meet new people and find out interesting things, but you can also develop leadership skills and learn to work in a team.

Now let’s see what some of you have in mind for this year, let’s take a look at your resolutions. This is what some of our dear friends and readers have in mind for 2017

15872022_1209924355757436_5048703564056969633_n Mary Imran: “I will simply stay away from all the negativity and try to stay positive all this year.”

11264001_10152904315090060_5522008052993362330_n Talha Zahid:  “I just wanna be a better person.”

15977420_10206020156143097_3459760878927967646_n Sonia Kamran: “My biggest new year resolution is to stay away from negative people! Friends who smile to your face and then insult you behind your back. friends,You think you can lean on them for support, but when you reach for their shoulder, you fall over and hit the ground!! Pain is only good if it teaches you a lesson and I learned my lesson very well in 2016!! These sorts of people have no place in my life anymore!”

15895240_1600092013339560_1395895444334568984_n Maira Omair Rana: “To learn to see things as they are. Accept them as they are. And let go of things I cannot change.”

15894766_10154867926078407_329856759817683250_n Fatim Arbab: “Well I would like to be more humble n grateful. N hope the storm inside calms down:)”

15542340_10157982726315541_6204038492970555847_n Imran Kazmi: “I plan to embrace 2017 with a lot of positivity. My resolution is that I need to quit smoking 😀

15622700_10154588775305358_2370497574544308539_n Maha Dania Kazi:  “I don’t take resolutions too seriously, but I do like to practice mindfulness throughout the year and with each passing year, try and balance things out and not to take disappointments hard and to be proud of how far I’ve come, and count my blessings. Give help within one’s immediate community always feels right, especially those who work for you, and in your home. Be giving. Also, do something different and out of the box in 2017, it can be anything like travel or a project, something meaningful. Breathe in the aroma of roses around one, and not to get too preoccupied with life:)”

Life is too short. Live and Let Live! Be the change you want to see in this world!

Signing off

Wings & Strokes

My BIG to do list!

Endless chores,endless tasks, daily lists, weekly lists and monthly goals…we all have these written somewhere…but then one day i sat down to make a list of all the things i want to do in the next 5 to 10 years….my BIG to do list! And no this isn’t just about regular routine things, this gives some meaning to my everyday life. it gives me something to look forward to..things that i always have at the back of my head but i don’t talk about them or write them down. So today i decided to jot everything down…(well not everything,but a few of them…)

So here is my BIG to do list:

Travel the world

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Start my own preschool

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Learn to swim

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Learn to play the guitar

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See the northern lights

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See the pyramids

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Write books for children

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Hot air balloon ride

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Take kids to Disneyland

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Watch the world cup final-live

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Visit a palace

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Deep sea diving

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Ride a bike

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Help build a mosque

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Play volleyball again

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Horseback riding

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Make a difference in someone’s life

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Learn to cook different cuisines from the world’s best chefs

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Be part of a flash mob

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Read more books

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Buy my own house

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Enroll my daughters in a ballet class

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Dance with the man I love

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Be my own boss

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Try new things in life without any hesitation

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I’m sure if i keep sitting here, a gazillion other things would start popping up in my head so let’s wrap this up! i would love to hear about your BIG to do list, share the top 3 things on your wishlist 🙂

Be happy, keep others happy. Life is too short, make each day count. Try not to hurt the one’s your love or the one’s who love you. Cherish each other before the time is gone…each second lost will never come back…Here’s to dreams! Cheers!